I HOPE MY ANSWER HELPS YOU GET A FEELING FOR SOME OVERALL DEALING WITH LAWS, AS "FROM THE BEGINNING" TO A MUCH WIDER SCOPE, AS GOD ALLOWED A WIDER SCOPE ON SOME LAWS.
Onan and David...... can we compare?
Okay I have to back up. Marriage was originally given to partly reproduce, we see that from the first chapters of Genesis.
Many things were given from the beginning as Jesus used to say, for certain purpose; marriage was from the beginning to be one man and one woman for life, till death do part, and all being normal - reproduction.
Over time as man continued in carnality/fleshly ways, God realized he would have to "bend a little or a "lot" shall we say.
Then there is "general statements" used in the Bible; and so I may use them also.
So with the weakness or hardness of the heart, God ALLOWED things. Now with that said we can understand the context of certain things, as like David and Solomon.
Let's take Solomon..... he had 700 wives and 300 concubines [lesser wives as some put it, and as how you want to understand "lesser" is not fully explained by the Bible]. Obviously God allowed there to be wives, and then "lesser wives" and we are not told the difference per se. In the overall Solomon had 1000 wives. Did Solomon have sex with all of them...... maybe not, maybe over time [like years] he had at least ONE sexual experience with each of them..... but we are not told; I mean if he had sex every day [most unlikely] it would take about 3 years to "go with" 1000 wives. We are not told he had sex with all of them; certainly NOT producing one child per each wife.
Solomon is the greatest example of God ALLOWING "not from the beginning" to any person. He may have liked the looks of 1000 women he chose, maybe a kiss, or hug, for each of them, again over time; and some more kisses and hugs than others.
Indeed sex with some more that others, maybe way more than others, for whatever reason. Solomon is about as far as you can get for God ALLOWING marriage to be different as that "from the beginning" God first intended it to be.
Under Moses's laws [Old Covenant] DIVORCE was very easy to obtain, for even small things. My study on "Divorce and Re-Marriage" covers all that.
So Solomon was way out of the original plan and idea God had in mind for marriage. It was the "ALLOWED" for the hardness of the heart, allowed under the Old Covenant.
David likewise. God told him after the sin with Bathsheba, God would have allowed David to have all kinds of wives [ones unmarried].....all the pretty sexy un-married women of Israel; but he picked a married woman.
God ALLOWED many things under the Old Covenant; which are NOT allowed under the New Covenant.
David and Michal.....2 Samuel 6. We presume David had sex with her before what we read in chapter 6. In affect David "put her away" - the affect would have be like a divorce, though no words are explicit as "divorce" - but obviously David wanted nothing to do with her after this shall we say "argument" or "a real put down" from her. David had other wives, putting one away then, was no big deal for him. God obviously ALLOWED this type of "end of the marriage bed" [hence pretty well a divorce] - to be practiced.
So having many wives was ALLOWED, be it far from the original way God wanted it. Putting away, divorce, no sex, with this or that wife was also ALLOWED.
We see now that for most of the Old Testament, all we have talked about above was ALLOWED; hence different than what God intended about marriage from the beginning.
The intent of one man and one woman marriage, till death do part, and reproducing IF all was normal, was shall we say "put to one side" by God, as He ALLOWED for all we have stated above.
Now comparing Onan with David. The law of marring your brother's wife to raise up seed for your brother was in affect BEFORE Moses and also for Israel under Moses and the Old Covenant. Onan was much more guilty than David putting away Michal. Onan made out he would do the "marring your brother's wife" law that could be done. Onan made out he was going to do so. But he really had no intent to raise up seed to his brother. He just wanted a selfish good sex experience, and that was all. It was big time deception..... but God was not deceived; God knew his heart and mind. And his heart and mind was evil enough that God thought it justice to kill him.
David had no such "deceptive mind" with the Michal situation. David was already ALLOWED to put away a wife, divorce her, and/or have no sex with her from that point on, after being so harshly put down. It was such a serious put down by Michal, that David thought it justifiable to have no more sex with her, and not raise up children through her. And all that was ALLOWED by God. God DID NOT correct David and tell him it was wrong to so do to Michal. God DID correct David in no uncertain way with his whole situation with Bathsheba; that conduct was NOT ALLOWED by God. Taking another's wife in sexuality and putting her husband up front in a battle so he had a huge chance of being killed...... THAT WAS NOT ALLOWED BY GOD! David was punished..... but because of his deep sincere REPENTANCE, David did not face the death penalty, he was shown mercy.
The Onan situation can not be at all compared to David with Michal, or divorce in general under the Old Covenant and what was ALLOWED by God. Onan can not be compared to Solomon, with all his 1000 wives.
Onan was pure DECEPTION for SELFISH gratifying sexual feeling. God knew it, and obviously God thought his heart and mind so evil, he killed him. David and Solomon were never in the situation "to raise up children to thy brother." All their wives were their wives, and they could, or were ALLOWED many things they could do or not do with them, in the context of that marriage; such as David putting away Michal, so no children came from her by David. And Solomon having 1000 wives, that having regular sex with ALL of them, to raise up children, was obviously ALLOWED by God to NOT be the case. It is obvious Solomon did NOT have 1000 children, or anywhere close to that number. Some no doubt, for whatever reason could not bear children; some probably had no children because of the infrequency of sexual intercourse with Solomon, if they had intercourse at all with him - maybe for some only once on "marriage day." And if Solomon married 5 or 6 at one time, on one day....how many of them had intercourse with him - well the scenarios are kinda many.
We have to realize the "from the beginning" in marriage, was put to one side, with MANY "allowed" things within marriage for most of the Old Testament.
Onan was in a DIFFERENT context, making it look like he was willing to go into a marriage with his brother's wife to raise up children to his brother, when it was all a DECEPTION by him. And obviously there was NO REPENTANCE. So it was just for God to kill him. If David had not SINCERELY REPENTED over the sin with Bathsheba and her husband, David would have also be put to death by God. God is no respecter of persons if there is no repentance of sins that carry the death penalty, then death comes to the offender.
As the book of Ruth shows there is a way to refuse "raising up seed to thy brother" and letting another man marry your brother's wife. But Onan did not follow that path, but DECEIVED ALL, except God, in what he selfishly wanted. His heart and mind was so far from righteousness, God killed him.
The situation with Onan was WAY DIFFERENT than anything God ALLOWED within marriage for David and Solomon and others under the Old Covenant, and under the "allowed" period up to the coming of the New Covenant, or New Testament.
When studying the Old Testament we need to keep in mind: Jesus' words "but from the beginning it was not so" and "for the hardness of your heart" and so God suffered [allowed] them this or that. Sure we can see how it was in the beginning, but often later on, for the hard-hearted, God ALLOWED ...... and so we had EASY Divorce and Polygamy under much of the Old Testament. Then we should also be able to find examples in the Old Testament where the "from the beginning" ideal was just not so....... as in the example of Solomon with his 1000 wives. If you do not read the Bible with open eyes, all the way through the Bible, you may lock yourself into a false assumption on a certain issue, that other examples show the ideal beginning was allowed to contain many "allowables" not in the beginning perfectness of the ideal.
When studying the Old Testament we need to keep in mind: Jesus' words "but from the beginning it was not so" and "for the hardness of your heart" and so God suffered [allowed] them this or that. Sure we can see how it was in the beginning, but often later on, for the hard-hearted, God ALLOWED ...... and so we had EASY Divorce and Polygamy under much of the Old Testament. Then we should also be able to find examples in the Old Testament where the "from the beginning" ideal was just not so....... as in the example of Solomon with his 1000 wives. If you do not read the Bible with open eyes, all the way through the Bible, you may lock yourself into a false assumption on a certain issue, that other examples show the ideal beginning was allowed to contain many "allowables" not in the beginning perfectness of the ideal.
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