WHATEVER GROUP, CLUB, CHURCH , YOU ARE IN, IT IS JUST ABOUT CERTAIN THAT EVENTUALLY THERE WILL DEVELOP PERSONALITY CLASHES--------
Personality Clashes!
How to un-clash them
PERSONALITY CLASHES DO EXIST WITHIN THE CHURCH. THEY CAN BE BETWEEN ANY TWO PERSONS. SATAN CAN USE PERSONALITY CLASHES TO UNDO LOVE AND HARMONY - HE CAN USE IT TO SPLIT OR DESTROY ANY GROUP OF CHRISTIANS. IN THIS ARTICLE YOU WILL BE SHOWN HOW TO OVERCOME THIS FIERY DART OF THE ADVERSARY. by Keith Hunt You are a unique person. There has never been a person quite like you before - Yes, there may be a look-a-like. You've no doubt heard about the "look alike" contests for the famous entertainment "stars". Some are quite remarkable and a few I saw on TV on one of those interview shows said people on the street will not believe they are not the real film star or singer that everyone knows. There are the "identical twins" - twins that look so much alike it is very difficult to tell them apart. These identical twins do often have the same likes, abilities, talents, and often show an uncanny mental telepathy between themselves. Yet, they are not 100%, exactly the same. The one difference we all have, besides our finger prints, is - we ALL have our own distinct PERSONALITY! Your personality is made up of many varying parts. It includes all that makes you - YOU. It contains your talents, your likes, your feelings, your very thoughts, and everything that just makes you "tick" as they say. Now your personality can be shaped by your environment - the cultural ideology you were raised in. Your personality can be shaped by the way your parents influenced you, or other close relatives or friends. The type of school you attended may have helped mould your personality. Certain clubs you joined as a growing child may have influenced the personality you became as an adult. There are many things that can determine what personality you will be, even heredity plays a part. But the bottom line is that you are an individual, different from any other individual with a unique personality. TURN BACK THE PAGES Think back now to when you were a pre-schooler, possibly when you were in kindergarten or just playing with neighborhood friends. Were there some kids you simply did not get along with - you just plainly did not like them? There sure was! There was that "nasty" little Sam or Sue. There may have been those "pests" from around the corner who disturbed everyone. Or there was that Jimmy who would love to trip you up if he got the opportunity. And on it goes - kids you just did not get along with for one reason or another. Now think about your years in grade school. Did you just love the school bully? Or that boy (if you are a girl reading this) who kept pulling your hair? There may have been a kid that was always putting his foot in his mouth with stupid remarks about you, and you would have loved to put your foot in his mouth. Did you get along with the school prankster - the one who tied your shoe laces together when you weren't looking? How about the time spent in High school. Was there no one that you didn't have problems with? Someone you wished was going to another High School than the one you attended. After entering the adult world you probably did not "hit it off" with everyone you met. There was I'm sure some individual that you wished was not in your life. Someone you did not see "eye to eye" with. You did not like their views on politics, or entertainment, on religion, or fashion etc. You just hoped they would move away to another place of work or another town. You didn't get along with these individuals because of your distinct personality which was at variance in some way with their distinct personality. Personalities manifesting themselves as shaped by natural heredity and environmental influences. Personality clashes - a common occurrence in our societies and nations. Most think little about it - most learn to live with it as a part of this life, but when..... YOU BECOME A CHRISTIAN....... All that is supposed to change is it not? Are we not as Christians to love each other, have no jealousies, animosities, strife, dislikes, and personality clashes? Yes, that is true, but the truth is we do not become PERFECT when we become a Christian and receive the Spirit of God. Our carnal nature does not disappear with the wave of a hand, and a "be gone with you" command. At the time we receive God's Spirit there is still a great dose of carnality within us. Because of this fact, many are shocked when they come into the Church of God, to discover that personality clashes can and often do - exist. We are all growing at different rates, and we all have varying degrees of carnality to overcome, depending on what we came out of as far as how our personalities were shaped by our heredity and environment. We can in time, overcome most of our obvious bad personality traits such as bad temper, unbecoming speech, wrong ideas based on the "way that seems right unto man" and others. These can be put aside as we put on the new man that is being created by Christ living in us. Most of our personality clashes come about because of the "open" - easy to see areas in our personality that are still "the works of the flesh" such as the ones I've mentioned above. But there is a more sinister and harder to recognize problem, yet maybe not so hard to recognize as knowing how to overcome a personality clash. Have you ever attended a meeting, perhaps a regional or national company meeting, where many of your peers are there that you have never met before? Within a few hours you have found one or two individuals that you prefer to "stay away" from. You do not really know them, you have not talked to them at any length to really find what "makes them tick". There is just something about them that irks you - something that "gets your goat" - something that "rubs you the wrong way" so you would prefer to leave them alone and not be around them. Usually this reaction is not precipitated by the LARGE personality faults we have mentioned before, but very small incidents in fact, yet to us, to our mind, they are large - uncomfortable - and very threatening to our peace and tranquillity of mind. So we "shy away" from that person, hoping we never have to spend very long in close encounters with them. We delude ourselves into thinking that if we ignore the problem it will go away, or that it does not really exist at all, when deep down we know there is a problem. If we are willing to admit that there is a difficulty between us and this other person, we would be able to see that part of the problem is within ourselves. It is our pre-conceived ideas and thoughts about this person that is partly to blame, as well as some of our own prejudice and unfairness. Oh yes, the "works of the flesh" are still at work, even in this instance, but they are the works of the flesh that are more cunning and clandestine. So it can be harder to OVERCOME. But such personality clashes can be overcome. For the Christian they must be overcome. We must admit it is there(if indeed it is) and ask God to help us do our part in solving the problem. Twice in my life(to the present writing of this article) I have found myself in the subtle type of personality clash that I've talked about above. I want to tell you about them and the way they were overcome. REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES I was 19 when I first heard the voices of Herbert W. Armstrong and his son Garner Ted over the radio air waves - it was the fall of 1961. Soon I was reading every piece of literature the then Radio Church of God would send me. After the initial SHOCK of discovering that some of my cherished Christian beliefs that I had, from my years of church attendance, were not to be found in the Bible(like going to heaven when you die), I became like a starving lion - devouring the Bible with night and day study to find more truths. Soon I was getting strange glances from my friends in the Baptist church I attended - they knew who I was listening to on the radio. After some months I knew I could not continue attending a Sunday keeping Church(my Baptist landlord had told me to my utter shock that Sunday was not the 7th day of the week), I was alone - there was no one who was close to believing as I now did. It felt strange, was I the only one who could see these basic truths that this father and son were preaching I often thought. One day by luck or chance(probably neither but from God) I met a lady (a married lady - about 5 years older than me) who also was believing as I was. What a joy - what a blessing - what a delight - what a conversation we had. There was no personality clash here. Then, some time later(a year or more) came the first meeting with a minister from the Radio Church of God (later to be called the Worldwide Church of God) - it was a Bible study and baptism meeting. I was there along with some others. I now knew about 10 more persons whom I could fellowship with. There was Peter and his wife Nomi, there was George and Rose his wife (farmers from not to far out of town), there was Al and Josephine, Jim and June, and a few single guys like me. We all immediately got along well - no personality clashes. Then there was Don - a man about 20 years older than myself, a somewhat quiet and reserved man. He had more experience than I had in this world, a middle income man with a wife but no children. I found it hard to talk to him, so I didn't most of the time. Our personalities were different. At that time in my life (now I look back) I was burning with enthusiasm for the truths I was discovering, and being somewhat vociferous, I probably said too much, too often, and without any "tack". I remember one day while visiting with Al and Josephine(whom I got along with like a house on fire) there was a knock at the door - it was Don. As we were all fellowshipping, the topic of MASONS came up. I had read the booklet about Masons from the WCG., and as I remember now, blurted out in a thoughtless manner that the Masonic Lodge was another of Satan's tools. Don was a Mason and had never read the booklet. If we didn't have a personality clash before (which we did) - we sure had one now. Don did eventually read that booklet on the Masons and did drop out from belonging to that Lodge, but the personality clash between us continued. Neither of us had ever been openly nasty to each other - we had never had an argument. Our personalities at that time, as newly baptized persons, just didn't "jive" together. You couldn't put your finger on the specific problem between us. I'm sure the problem was much more than just that "Masonic Lodge" incident. It was some time later (when we had our first local minister sent to us to establish a church) that I was to discover or face the problem head on. We had just never tried to understand or even get to know each other - we had never made an effort to befriend each other. A year or more went by, and now we had a minister and the church was growing, many more couples and singles coming to services. I was in the Spokesman Club and so was Don. Then another close friend of mine and I were chosen to be song leaders in services, we took turns - he one week and me the next week. Then I was chosen as librarian for the church (I think I had the reputation of being a "book worm"). All of this and all of this growth, with no serious personality clashes except with Don - it was still an arms length relationship that we had. ANOTHER PERSONALITY CLASH Then entered George, a younger married man, about my age. He was a "musician" as I was. Some of the other fellows in the church also played various musical instruments. We would often get together to "jam." The minister liked to have one or two "fun nights" for the church every year. Now the congregation was nearing 200. I was chosen to be in charge of the fun program. I was to organize the music and talent skits etc. making sure they were in "good" taste. Well, George and I didn't hit it off on the music side of things. Again there was no arguing between us, just a kind of "cold war" that we both endured. I was not sure if he just did not like the way I did things, or if he just did not think I was a good musician. Whatever it was, it gave us a personality clash. Now I had TWO people I had serious "unspoken" clashes with. I knew it was there and I knew they knew it was there. Our local minister was a wise man. He knew that with a congregation of about 200 and increasing, there had to be some personality clashes. I found out later there were more problems along this line than just what existed between Don, George, and I. So the minister, from time to time, would bring sermons along the lines of down to earth Christian living - how to get along with each other, how to appreciate and serve each other, how to understand each other, and a whole lot of plain practical suggestions as to what we could do to alleviate personality clashes among ourselves. Those sermons hit home. I had been trying to run from the problem that existed between Don and George and I. If I wasn't running from it I was turning a blind eye to it. Now I faced up to the problem and admitted to myself that it was very real and determined to do something about it. Upon examining the situation I realized that I had never really acknowledged that these two men(Don and George) had their God giver talents and abilities. I had never tried to understand them, or listen to what they had to say. I made very little effort to get to KNOW them and never invited them over to my home for an evenings visit, or gave them the chance to open up to me. I did not make any real effort to be "their friend." I made a decision to change all that. It was not easy the first time to ask them to come over for dinner and fellowship. I was apprehensive that they would refuse, but they did not. Within a few private visits with these two men (individual - one on one visits) I was to see great changes between us. I'm sure they were also trying to act upon the sermons we had all heard. Our understanding of each other grew and grew. Our appreciation of each others talents and abilities within the body of Christ grew. We were kind and thoughtful to each other from that time on. I got along with everyone in that local church, some I was closer to than others because of age and outside interests, but these two men - Don and George - with whom I had for so long a time this personality clash, became two of the closest friends I had in that congregation That first WCG church that I was a founding member of, became known as one of the warmest, friendliest, and loving congregations in that part of the country. The minister at that time must take a large part of the credit for guiding us, and helping us get to the nuts and bolts in overcoming not only sins in general but also that little spoken about problem of PERSONALITY CLASHES. If you have a personality clash with someone, I hope you will admit you do. Possibly this article will help you decide to do something about it. I hope relating my personal experiences along these lines will have shown you how to go about solving "personality clashes." They do exist, but with love and a determined effort, and the Spirit of God they can be - OVERCOME. .............. Written in 1991 |
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