FIVE RULES FOR CHILDREARING
by Keith Hunt
It is written, "So God created man in His own image ... male
and female created He them. And God blessed them and God said
unto them, Be fruitful and multiply..." (Genesis 1:27-28).
The eternal God not only made man and woman, it was He who
ordained marriage. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and
his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one
flesh (God invented sex). And they were both naked, the man and
his wife, and were not ashamed" (Genesis 2:24-25). To all of this
it can be said, "And God saw everything that he had made, and,
behold, it was very good.." (Genesis 1:31).
It was God's purpose and plan that male and female marry and
beget children - that they reproduce themselves. "Lo, children
are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His
reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are
children of the youth. Happy is the man (and woman) that has his
quiver full of them..." (Psalms 127:3-5).
In God's society, He would want married couples to be
blessed with many children, who in turn would also be happy to
have a number of children. That's the way it would be in God's
society, where male and female would know why the two sexes were
created. That they would know the true values of marriage and
that children were never intended to be a burden but a reward and
a heritage from the Lord.
God is not only the Creator of all we see around us, He is
also the inventor and sustainer of all law - visible and
invisible (James 4:12). He is not only the inventor of marriage
and sex, but the giver of children and the laws that will produce
success in rearing them.
The Lord could promise Abraham what He did because. "...I
know him, that he will command his children and his household
after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice
and judgement. that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he
hath spoken of him" (Genesis 18:19).
Proverbs 22:6 holds a promise to all parents. A better
translation than the King James Version for understanding this
verse is found in the God News Bible. "Teach a child how he
should live, and he will remember it all of his life."
A child may not always follow the godly way of life taught
him or her by their parents, but they will never forget it was
taught to them. And, when the child who has wandered away from
the right path does come to desire to walk the good road to life,
all he was taught will come flooding back to the mind.
God's word gives us some very solid foundational points on
proper child rearing. Many of them are found in the book of
Proverbs.
This article will elaborate on five areas of child rearing
that are not specifically stated in the Bible but are based on
time and experience - principles that have proven themselves to
be important in rearing decent, respectful, upright, and godly
young people and adults
1. TEACH AUTHORITY TO THE YOUNG WITH LOVE
Hold, Cuddle, and Show Love:
Some startling studies have been done with young children
that show just how important it is for a child's mental and
emotional well-being to be loved openly in hugs, cuddles. and
genuine affection. Those who were deprived of affection and love
and cuddling were generally backwards in physical, mental, and
emotional health. The children who were cuddled and loved were
just the opposite! Children need to know that they are wanted and
loved in order to develop to the fullest extent in all phases of
life. Make sure you do this with your child!
Teach the Meaning of the Word "NO":
Some will say this is too negative and that this is bad for
children. It is not, as I shall try to show, and I am presuming
that the parents are and have already given lots of love to their
young infant. A child must be taught the meaning of the word "NO"
because it could save his life one day, or save him from a
terrible crippling accident.
Your child is at the age of crawling, close to walking, and
he stands at the stove. He reaches up, about to put his hand on a
red hot burner. You shout, "NO!" If you've taught him/her the
meaning of that word, you will save your child from a terrible
burn because he/she will react instinctively by pulling the hand
away. There are dozens of near tragedies that I could give to
show just how important it is that your child know the
authoritative meaning of "NO".
How do you teach them this response? Simple. When the child
reaches for something he is not to touch say. "No" in a stern
tone, clear enough for him to hear, but not in a shout. If he
still touches it, give the hand a firm tap (so it will sting a
bit) to show that you mean business. Never strike in anger. If he
does break something, correct him but make sure you do not strike
in anger or scream. That will just make the child afraid of you
and that is not what you want. If you are consistent in your
reprimands, your child will get the message. This will save your
child and yourself some heavy grief at some point in his young
life.
Speak Only Once:
How many parents have you heard saying, "Don't do that" time
after time after time? Are you one? By repeating themselves
without doing anything about what the child is doing, they are
teaching their child that they don't really mean what they say.
This definitely does not fulfil the "speak only once" principle.
In speaking only once, it is vitally important that you make
sure you speak distinctly and that it has been heard. It is no
use trying to whisper directions to your child across the room
when the stereo is going full blast in the same room at the same
time. To make sure the child hears you and understands, speak
clearly and make sure you carry out what you say.
Enforce Punishment for Disobedience:
You must carry out your orders. Threats are no good if the
child knows there is nothing behind them. But you must do it in
LOVE, not anger. The word of God says, "He that spares the rod
hates his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him...with hold
not correction from the child ... the rod and reproof give
wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame"
(Proverbs 13:24; 23.13; 29:15).
Remember that there are other forms of punishment as an
alternative to the paddle or the strap. Use different types of
discipline but DO discipline when it is needed. But, let me
repeat, do not spank in anger. That is most definitely not God's
way.
Fulfil Promises:
If a reward is promised for a job well done, make sure you
give it to them. Never lie or pretend to your children as they
will not only lose confidence in you but will become liars and
pretenders too.
2. TEACH CHILDREN MANNERS AND COURTESY
As soon as your children are able to talk, teach them to
say, "Thank you" and "You're welcome" and "Please." These words
will help to teach your child to never take anything for granted.
These are the most essential words of courtesy.
Teach them to be spontaneous in their prayers rather than a
rote repetition. Teach your child, by example as well as through
instruction, that mealtime is not to be rushed through like a
"bull in a china shop" nor is it to be ignored or wasted.
Mealtime should be a time of enjoyment, eating with respect, joy,
and gratitude.
Teach your child that other people's property is not
available for inspection. In other words, keep them out of things
that do not belong to them. In your own home, a child should know
that they are not welcome snooping in, pulling out of, and
creating a mess in the cupboards of your kitchen. Also, they
should be taught that anything that is not theirs is off-limits.
This will help them to learn that when they are visiting,
cupboards, stereos, drawers, what-nots, knick-knacks, and other
things that don't belong to them, are off-limits and should be
left alone.
Teach them to be respectful of elders, saying, "Yes, sir"
and "Yes, ma'am" to their parents, their teacher, the mailman,
and other adults that they come into contact with. They should
address such people politely and respectfully giving them their
due respect as to their age and authority.
A child who is taught to be courteous, mannerly, and polite,
will go far and have less trouble in life, as he or she becomes a
part of the adult society.
Through the decades I have know parents who have instilled
in their children what you have so far read. Outsiders have often
said, "Wow your children are so polite and respectful and behave
themselves so well." They may be taken-aback if told how you
have done it; many today would not approve of some of the things
I've said so far; they see the good result, but many would not
approve how you did it.
3. TEACH CHILDREN TO BE HELPFUL AND NEAT
Children should be taught early in life to help around the
house doing a variety of chores and being responsible for certain
things - naturally, the chores that they do will depend upon
their age and physical ability. It could be from carrying out the
garbage to washing the dishes, setting the table, to painting the
fence or mowing the lawn. No job should be classified as "sissy"
or "boyish". Some jobs do tend to be for the boy, due to their
being physical differences between the male and female and others
tend to be for the girl. But there should be no hard and fast
rule declaring a job as being a boy's job or another being a
girl's job. Use common sense in delegating chores and
responsibilities to your children, but make sure that you do give
them chores to do!
Being neat and tidy is something that must be taught from an
early age or the child is liable to develop some bad habits that
will follow him for the rest of his life. Being neat and tidy
also includes the child's room. Many parents feel that the
child's room is off limits to them (especially when their child
is a teenager), but this is not so.
A child must learn that his room is just as much a part of
the house as the living room or kitchen. Their room must be kept
neat, clean, and decorated according to their parents wishes. A
child's bedroom, and the way that he keeps it, will largely
determine how that child will keep his own home when he leaves
home. But do not be fanatical, always chirping away at them over
minor things.You have to be able to judge when YOU or THEM are
going over the line.
4. TELEVISION MUST BE CONTROLLED
The TV has become a constant companion for a large part of
our society. It is turned on in the morning and is not turned off
until the last person goes to bed. Even a TV wrist watch has been
invented so that a person can see his favorite shows wherever he
may be. Who controls the networks for the most part? Are they
people who fear God, live by His word, and have your spiritual
welfare in mind? Obviously not! Sure, there are some religious
networks on TV but the majority of TV programming is far from the
principles of God in content.
At the moment, there is no greater tool than the TV that the
adversaries of God can use to destroy you and your children (now
of course the Computer Internet also). It could be one of the
greatest tools for good but it is being used mainly as a
portrayal of violence, crime, immorality, etc. It laughs at the
family structure that God intended and generally downplays the
precepts of God. Even so-called "kid's shows" have allowed
profanity to become a common part of the show. Not all do, but
many do.
Any parent trying to raise his child on the principles of
God will have to control the use of the TV (and the Internet).
Select very carefully what programs the child is allowed to
see and make sure that the child doesn't watch anything
forbidden. Many of the shows on TV can completely ruin your
efforts in childrearing, as children are much more open to
receiving the principles given in a TV show than they are to
having them taught by the parents. TV seems to have a magical
effect on children and the "magic" must be controlled. If the
television cannot be controlled, get rid of it!! See the
principle Jesus gave in Matthew 18:8-9.
Also, do not allow the television to take away from valuable
time that the family spends together. No matter how "good" the
show may be, family time together is much more valuable and
beneficial, Activities, such as picnics, visits to the zoo, games
in the park, etc. are vital in building a close relationship
between parents and their children. Start these things when the
children are quite young and continue them until the children are
grown and have left. Even then, reunions are important for both
parents and children.
5. ESTABLISH REGULAR FAMILY WORSHIP AND SABBATH SCHOOL
It is an old but very true saying that, "the family that
prays together, stays together." This fifth rule for childrearing
is being stated last but is by no means the least!
The late FBI chief, J. Edgar Hoover, once said, "A child who
has been taught to respect the laws of God will have little
difficulty respecting the laws of man"
Get into the habit of having daily Bible reading and prayer
as a family. Teach your children that the ways and commandments
of God are good.. But also remember the saying, "I'd rather see a
sermon than hear one any day." You will have to be a good example
yourself, in the way you live, if you expect your children to
grow up to be decent, upright Christians and citizens.
Having your children attend a weekly Sabbath School can be
another very important help in developing their lives along the
right channels of Godly character. If a Sabbath School is not
possible for you, then have your own with your children at home.
The Old Testament is full of stories that children love to
hear. Read them and try to talk about what lessons God would be
teaching us through those stories. There are a number of Bible
games and coloring books on the market that can be obtained from
some Bible Book Stores. Like anything else, be selective when
buying them and make sure they are suitable for your child's age.
If you have children that you are still raising or are
hoping to have children one day, remember that they are a
Blessing from God, our heavenly Father. With that blessing, comes
a tremendous responsibility. Take that responsibility seriously.
Apply these FIVE rules diligently. Read this article over
and over again to keep from forgetting, and never slacken your
diligence in this matter. If you persist with the correct way of
rearing your children, you will give them a life of peace, joy,
and a foundation for eternal life.
....................
Written 1983
Turning the TideHere are some KeysTURNING THE TIDE
What parents can do to keep their Christian freshmen from
becoming atheistic seniors.
by Israel Steinmetz
I'is another decade before I send my first child off to college,
but it's never too soon to begin preparing her and her siblings
for that day. Inevitably I think of my own experience, having
attended college for eight of the past ten years. What prepared
me to withstand skepticism and secularism, the doubts and
doubters? How can I pass these things on to my own children?
Our children face serious challenges to their faith as they enter
adulthood and attend college. We hear the reports of Christian
dropouts and see the failures every day in our churches and
families. In the face of this crisis we ask, "What can we do to
empower our children to come out the other side of higher
education with a stronger faith?"
Genuine relationship
One thing that preserved my faith through my twenties was
maintaining a genuine relationship with God. I knew God and God
knew me. I loved God and knew God loved me. I knew what it was to
be a sinner and what it meant to be saved by God's grace through
faith alone. No amount of Bible reading, Scripture memorization,
church attendance, or doctrinal knowledge - necessary as these
are - can replace a genuine and ongoing encounter with the living
God.
In moving toward adulthood on a college campus, our children will
meet new things that are real, living, exciting, frightening,
life changing, and compelling. The hope that they will hold to
sterile, secondhand religious tradition in the midst of this
existential adventure is unrealistic.
The best way we can prepare our children for college is to help
them encounter the true God who desires to be their Father,
Friend, Savior, and Lord. If my children leave home as nominal
Christians, they simply will not withstand the appeal of unbelief
and sin in college. But they will if they genuinely know the
Lord. Children encounter God as adults do - through worship,
prayer, fellowship, and being attuned to God's presence and
providence in everyday life.
Of course, we can't expect our children to have a genuine
relationship with the living God unless we're first encountering
Him through a dynamic, vibrant faith. I learned to know God first
from my parents, then from mentors and friends in churches I
attended and from my second family - the staff, students, and
friends of Spring Vale Academy. My relationship with God,
nurtured by these people, carried me through my college years.
Looking back on the way they loved God, experienced His love,
faced both victory and defeat, and trusted God in the face of
doubt empowered me to do the same.
Support network
An authentic, dynamic relationship with God takes place not just
at home but also in the community of Christ's body. As doubts and
fears assailed me through college, I leaned on Christian brothers
and sisters for prayer, guidance, inspiration, and correction. We
can't wait until the children in our churches become adults
before engaging them in the life of the body, helping them
discover their gifts and place among God's people. Building a
meaningful friendship with them now means they will trust us with
their doubts, faults, and fears later on.
When my children are vitally connected to Christ through His
church body, they have the support and encouragement to face the
challenges of adult life and the seduction of unbelief in
college. They will continue to rely on the relationships they
built with their parents and friends from their home church. And
they are likely to seek out new connections with Christ's body in
college, through Christian groups, campus ministries, and a
nearby local church.
Arriving in Dallas for college, I entered a city where I knew no
one. Thanks to the church "grapevine," I was quickly adopted by a
local family and congregation who provided the support I needed
to handle my first real taste of independence and adulthood. I
hope to provide the same network of support for my children
should they leave their hometown to attend school by connecting
them with fellow Christians in the area of their campus.
Sense of Purpose
How helpful it will be to our children if they can grasp their
general, if not personal, calling in life before they leave home.
Some kids will know the specific area of ministry God has called
them to at a young age, as I did. The rest of them will not
discover this until they become independent adults. What is
absolutely vital is that they understand early on the purpose and
calling on all God's people to be ambassadors for Christ,
ministers of the gospel, members of Christ's body, and lights to
the world.
Do our family and church foster this sense of identity? Or
do we foster a lack of purpose and direction in which young
people drift aimlessly in a world of fast entertainment, mindless
leisure, and selfish pursuits? I was blessed to not only know
what God was calling me to but also have family and church
friends who encouraged, shaped, and supported my pursuit of God's
purpose in life. Without them, I might never have stuck with His
call.
To support them in pursuing God's high purpose, we must help our
children see that life matters, that time is too precious to
waste, and that they are called to make a difference in the
world. We must give them tools and motivation to engage God and
people in real, life-giving relationships, rather than settling
for the impersonal and hypnotic fix of electronic screens.
Entering adulthood with true purpose, they will mature and pursue
their studies with that in mind, rather than being dragged
mindlessly into the doubt and disbelief that will inevitably
tempt them.
Taste of apologetics
Something else very valuable to me, and that I hope to pass on to
my children, is a taste of apologetics - the logical explanation
and rational defense of our biblical faith. It is an essential
element in our children's training as they enter college.
Some folks would call for a heaped-up helping of apologetics for
teens, believing that with enough training, a youth develops an
unassailable Christian worldview to answer any question and fend
off any skeptic. I am less optimistic that a college frosh can be
fully ready to argue for the existence of God, explain the
problem of evil, or answer the scientific claims of the
evolutionist, the philosophic claims of the secularist, and the
religious claims of the pluralist.
But I think we can expose our children to Christian apologists
who will show them that Bible believers are tackling the most
complex questions and finding compelling answers. In this way,
we'll guard against the inevitable professor or person who wields
a well-trained intellect and a well-honed vocabulary to make all
others sound like backwoods ignoramuses with archaic
superstitions.
By exposing our children to solid apologists, we help instill
this confidence in them, that while they may not grasp all the
arguments, they do line up with those who do engage the skeptics
at the highest level. Thus they can have both hope and a deepened
desire to !earn. During my high school years, I had the privilege
of attending a creation seminar, conducted by "Answers in
Genesis," and an apologetics conference with Ravi Zacharias that
had this very effect on me.
Many pop-apologists offer inaccurate or simplistic answers that
serve only to make Christians more vulnerable to their
intellectual opponents.
Work and pray
Preparing my children for adulthood and college, some old advice
comes to mind: Work as if everything depends upon you, and pray
as if everything depends upon God. When we've done all we can to
prepare our children and have entrusted them to God, we must hope
that they have truly come to know Him and that He will preserve
them through these trying years. The reality is that people make
their own choices.
I pray that as we trust and obey the Lord in this matter, we will
see our children know and love God and, when they enter college,
rise up and turn the tide against unbelief.
..........
With his wife, Anna, and their five children, Israel Steinmetz,
lives and serves from their home in Kansas City, Mo.
RESOURCES for HIGH SCHOOLERS.org
The resources under each topic are listed in order of their level
of challenge to a high school student - from least to most
advanced. None of these can replace relationships with God,
parents, and church family, but each might supplement those
relationships.
For additional resources, please visit baonline.org.
Knowing and serving God
Do Hard Things, by Alex and Brett Harris (www.therebelution.
com/blog/)
How to Stay Christian in High School, by Steven Gerali
How to Stay Christian in College, ThInk Edition, by
J. Budziszewski
Apologetics
The Case for Faith, by Lee Strobel (www.leestrobel.com)
Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (www.rzim.org)
Answers in Genesis (www.answersingenesis.org)
Christian campus groups
Campus Crusade for Christ (www.campuscrusadeforchrist.com)
Youth With a Mission (www.ywam.org)
InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (www.intervarsity.org)
Chi Alpha Campus Ministries (www.chialpha.com)
From the September/October "Bible Advocate" - a publication of
the Church of God, Seventh Day, Denver, CO. USA
......
Education
From The Economist - Jan. 2016
Train those brains
Practically all young people now go to school, but they need to learn a lot more there
JASCHA DOKER IS a big man with a big beard, a nose ring and tattoos. His father is Turkish, his mother Austrian. He works as an electrician at the Salzburg Festival, a celebration of classical music in Mozart's home town. He is not an opera fan - he likes the orchestra but not the singing - yet he does his bit to bring Austrian high culture to a global audience.
As well as working, Mr Doker, who is 18, attends the Landesberufsschule, a vocational school. Classes mix theory with 5 hands-on practical work. One classroom has an oven and a dish washer; another has a mock-up of part of a production line; another lets students control an imaginary "smart building".
The school moves with the times. "We used to train lots of television and radio repair men, but now people just throw these things away," says Eberhard Illmer, the director. The basic philosophy, though, remains the same: the school works closely with local employers, who send their apprentices there to ensure that they acquire skills that are in demand. Asked if he fears unemployment, Mr Doker says: "I'm not worried about that."
Vocational schools in Germany and Austria have a fine reputation, and for good reason. They recognize that not every young person will benefit from a purely academic education. "When I was at school I got bored," says Mr Doker, "but the technical education here is great." Youth unemployment in both countries is half the average for the Euro area.
Not all education systems serve the young so well. At a village meeting in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, parents were told that after attending the village school for five years, most of their children could not read a simple story. Many could not even recognize the letters of the alphabet.
This came as a shock. One parent stood up and said to the headmaster: "You have betrayed us. I have worked like a brute my whole life because, without school, I had no skills other than those of a donkey. But you told us that if I sent my son to school, his life would be different from mine. For five years I have kept him from the fields and work...only now I find out that he is 13 years old and doesn't know anything. His life won't be different. He will labour like a brute, just like me." The headmaster retorted: "It is not our fault. We do what we can with your children. But you [are] right, you are brutes and donkeys. The children of donkeys are also donkeys."
One of the people at the meeting was Lant Pritchett, an American economist now at Harvard. He argues that Indian public schools are wretched because they are unaccountable. They have to meet government targets for enrolling pupils, but they do not have to demonstrate to parents or anyone else that the children are learning anything. Barely half the teachers bother to show up on any given day. A study cited in Mr Pritchett's book, "The Rebirth of Education: Schooling Ain't Learning", found that after eight years of school, 60% of Indian children could not use a ruler to measure a pencil.
The good news is that in recent decades all countries, rich or poor, democratic or despotic, have made huge strides in getting young people into classrooms. In 1950 the average adult over 15 had received just three years of schooling; by 2010 the figure had risen to eight. In rich countries it went up from six to 11 years over that period, and in poor ones it shot from two to seven. These are remarkable figures. Modern Zambians or Haitians spend longer in school than the average Italian did in 1960. Furthermore, university, once the preserve of a tiny elite, has become a rite of passage for the global middle class. Some 41% of 25-34-year-olds in rich countries now have tertiary education, up from 26% in 2000. Developing countries are catching up fast.
The bad news is that how much people actually learn in classrooms and lecture halls varies widely. In developing countries, which account for the majority of pupils, many schools are atrocious, PISA, the OECD's international benchmark for 15-year-olds' attainment in science, maths and reading, does not cover the poorest nations, but results in several low-to-middle-income countries are disappointing. A Finnish student is 170 times more likely than a Mexican one to be a "top performer" in the PISA science test. In the maths test, more than 60% of the Brazilians would be among the bottom 10% in South Korea. In most developing countries ranked by PISA, more than half the students achieved only very basic competence in maths. In rich countries only a fifth did this badly.
Those who cannot read or manipulate numbers earn less. Robert Barro of Harvard and Jong-Wha Lee of Korea University estimate that, on a global average, the wages of those who have completed secondary school are about 77% higher than of those with only primary schooling, and college graduates make 240% more. If developing countries are to realize the "demographic dividend" from a young, energetic population, those young people will have to be educated better.
Since the biggest gaps in test scores are between rich countries and poor ones, you might think that money played a big part. Yet "resources per se have little to no statistically significant impact" on how much pupils learn, concludes Mr Pritchett: Rich countries have doubled or tripled spending on schools since around 1970, to little effect. America spends twice as much as Poland, yet both countries' 15-year-olds get similar results on PISA.
South Africa spends more than Kenya but does much less well.
Many educational fads are harmful. One survey found that 85% of American parents thought they should praise their children to bolster their self-esteem, but studies suggest that undeserved praise makes children complacent. Amanda Ripley, the author of "The Smartest Kids in the World", describes how an American student visiting one of Finland's outstanding schools was surprised to see so few gleaming trophies on display.
What works
Good school systems come in many shapes. Sweden and the Netherlands have voucher-like systems, where parents can spend public money on the private or public schools of their choice. South Korea has a centralized system in which public-school students also use private crammers to get through a high-stakes exam at 18. Finland went from also-ran to world-beater by insisting that only the brightest graduates could become teachers, whereas in America "almost anyone who claims to like children" can find a place on a teacher-training course, says Ms Ripley. And what works in one Country may not travel easily to another. For example, Dieter Euler of the University of St Gallen found that Teutonic vocational schools cannot easily be replicated in other countries where governments, firms and unions, do not have the same close relationship.
The quality of teachers clearly matters, and in countries with great schools they tend to be well paid. But if the system is dysfunctional, offering them more money is pointless. In parts of India teachers' pay is so high that people who have no interest in teaching pay large bribes to be hired.
Nearly all systems, public or private, produce some excellent schools. To improve results across the board, Mr Pritchett urges decentralization. Central governments should set standards and make sure that private schools are not preaching jihad, but headmasters should have the power to hire and fire teachers and good schools should be allowed to drive out bad ones. Crucially, performance should be independently measured. Brazil's education reforms after 1998 loosened federal control and let the money follow the child. As a result, Brazilian students achieved the largest gain on PISA maths tests in 2003-2012.
Overall, young people are better educated than ever before. But as H.G. Wells once put it, history is "a race between education and catastrophe". No nation can afford to slow down. ■
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