Continuing with Dillow's book "Solomon on Sex" and the chapter
entitled "Solving Sexual Problems."
(Reflections #10, 11, 12, Song 5:9-6:13)
In the last chapter we found Shulamith and Solomon involved
in a frustrating problem in their physical relationship. In this
section we see how they begin to solve their problems, and in
Chapters 10 and 11 the ultimate solution unfolds.
Interestingly, the solution to their differences involved
assuming personal responsibility for the error rather than
focusing on the other's error.
Instead of dwelling on how thoughtless Solomon was to
continually approach her late at night, she began to work on her
inner attitudes. Instead of thinking how selfish Shulamith is in
rejecting him, Solomon concentrates on loving her unconditionally
and "giving blessing for insult."
In order for any problem to be resolved in marriage, both
partners must follow this pattern. What good is accomplished when
you continually resent your mate for his or her shortcomings?
When you and I stand before the judgment seat of Christ, He is
not going to ask how our mate treated us, but whether or not we
were faithful in assuming responsibility for our behavior. It is
God's responsibility to deal with an offending mate, not ours.
A CHANGE OF ATTITUDE
(Reflection #10, Song 5:9-6:3)
CONTEXT
Shulamith has awakened from her dream-filled sleep the
following morning. Before awakening, Shulamith asks the chorus to
help her find her beloved. She wants him because she is highly
aroused sexually (5:8), feels guilty about another rejection of
Solomon (5:6,7), and wants to make amends. This address to the
chorus provides a transition into the next scene. It gives the
pretext for the chorus to ask two questions revealing Shulamith's
decision to work on her attitude.
The first question is found in 5:9: "What kind of beloved is
your beloved ..." The second is in 6:1: "Where has your beloved
gone ...?"
The answer to the first question calls Shulamith back to the
nobility of her man and his physical attractiveness and
tenderness. Thus, she begins to focus her thoughts on his
positive traits and even his sexual appeal in order to increase
her own desire.
The answer to the second question, "Where has your beloved
gone.." leads her to realize that much of their problem is due to
the nature of the job he has, "pasturing the flock" (6:2) -
tending the sheep (the people of Israel). As she thinks on this,
she renews her covenant and finds assurance that he is totally
hers even though some things need to be resolved (6:3).
COMMENTARY
5:9 CHORUS:
What kind of beloved is your beloved, O most beautiful
among women? What kind of beloved is your beloved, Thus
you adjure us?
What is the purpose of this question? It seems to be
specifically designed by the chorus to lead Shulamith to focus on
her husband's many good points. While there is pain at constant
separation, they want her to realize it is worth it all in view
of the excellent qualities of the man God has given her. The
question has the intended effect; in the following verses she
extols her beloved's virtues and expresses a relaxed acceptance
of the fact he is away on the business of state (6:2-3).
5:10 SHULAMITH:
My beloved is dazzling and ruddy,
The description that follows has some rather sensuous
details that suggest she is reflecting on a previous lovemaking
episode with him and pictures him nude in her mind. Again, it
must be realized the daughters of Jerusalem are simply a literary
device used, in this case, to bring out the excellences of the
king.
To be "dazzling" is to be handsome, and to be "ruddy" means
to have healthy, reddish cheeks.
Outstanding among ten thousand.
This is an expression of surpassing beauty.
5:11 SHULAMITH: His head is like gold, pure gold;
Beginning now with his head, she describes in matchless
imagery his shapely body. Gold connotes excellence.
His locks are like clusters of dates, And black as a
raven.
Solomon has beautiful black hair. Ravens are known for their
consistent ability to provide for their young. They are often
used in terms of God's providential care of His creation? She
sees Solomon as always watching out for her.
5:12 SHULAMITH:
His eyes are like doves,
Beside streams of water,
Bathed in milk,
And reposed in their setting.
The dark iris surrounded by the gleaming white of the eye is
pictured as a dove bathing in milk
5:13 SHULAMITH:
His cheeks are like a bed of balsam,
Banks of sweet-scented herbs;
The bed of balsam refers to the custom of perfuming the
beard.
His lips are lilies,
Dripping with liquid myrrh.
The lilies here are probably red lilies. The liquid myrrh
probably refers to the sweetness of his breath. Often sweet,
scented herbs were chewed to scent the breath or were mixed with
water to make a mouthwash.
5:14 SHULAMITH:
His hands are rods of gold
His fingers are full and round.
Set with beryl;
His fingernails are transparently pink.
His abdomen is carved ivory
Inlaid with sapphires.
The abdomen refers to the covered part of the body. It is
white and smooth like ivory. To be like ivory means to be flat
and firm. Also to see the "white" part of the body is to view
that part which is normally shielded from the sun by clothing. It
appears she is daydreaming about her husband's naked body. The
reference to blue sapphires is difficult. It probably refers to
the branching blue veins under the white skin.
5:15 SHULAMITH:
His legs are pillars of alabaster set on pedestals of
gold;
The phrase "legs" is often used of the upper part of the
legs. It denotes the loins (Gen.29:2; Exod.28:42; Dan.2:32) or
the part of the body where the legs begin to separate? They are
alabaster, strong and white like marble. They are set on feet
described as pedestals of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
Choice as the cedars.
Lebanon speaks of majestic appearances. It was famed for its
fertility and beauty (Dent.3:25). The cedars were the tallest and
strongest of trees; so is her beloved outstanding among men. It
speaks of his strength and masculinity.
5:16 SHULAMITH:
His mouth is full of sweetness.
And he is wholly desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.
This refers to the mouth as an organ of speech, not of
kissing. She is praising his tender speech. The thing that
appealed to her wasn't just his physical manliness (5;9-15), but
his tenderness and gentleness with her (5:16). Paul says God's
"lover" has these two characteristics.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of
the church (Eph.5:23).
A man is supposed to be a "head," a leader, to his wife. But
at the same time Paul says,
The Word became flesh and lived for a while among us. We have
seen His glory, the glory of the One and only Son, who came from
the Father, full of grace and truth (John 1:14).
The husband, then, is to be characterized by strength and
tenderness (Song 5:9-16); he is to be a leader and a lover
(Eph.5:23-25); and he is to be full of truth and grace (John
1:14). These are the basic characteristics of the male role as
revealed in the Bible. The Lord Jesus was a man of grace; He
cried in the presence of women, He made little children feel at
home with Him, and He demonstrated profound tenderness and
compassion. But He could also walk through an angry mob, refrain
from accusing His accusers, set His will like steel, and be
obedient unto death.
Many problems in marriages today go of these characteristics
out of balance.
6:1 CHORUS:
Where has your beloved gone,
O most beautiful among women?
Where has your beloved turned,
That we may seek him with you?
The chorus is satisfied with the answer, and now a new
question is in their mouths. Its purpose is to focus Shulamith's
attention on the fact that the reason he cannot be with her now
is that he is involved in affairs of state. She is, therefore, to
remember the understanding she had before they were married and
to choose to reject the thought of self-pity she feels at not
having Solomon at her side as much as she would like.
6:2 SHULAMITH:
My beloved has gone down to his garden,
To the beds of balsam,
To pasture his flock in the gardens
And gather lilies.
As discussed elsewhere (1:7; 2:16) this imagery refers to
Solomon's preoccupation with the affairs of state.
6:3 SHULAMITH:
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine,
He who pastures his flock among the lilies
Shulamith has come to inner peace. She is a kings wife. He
must be away on business, but she confidently asserts her belief
in his love for her. It is significant that Shulamith views her
husband as a shepherd who pastures his flock. Despite all of
Solomon's shortcomings, he makes her feel totally loved,
protected, and cared for. She sees him not only as Israel's
shepherd, but as her shepherd.
There are two outstanding characteristics of a shepherd that
are applicable here. He was a PROTECTOR and LEADER. Much can be
said about the protective qualities of the shepherd. *
His main task, other than providing for his flock, was
protecting them from robbers, animals, and weather. The
shepherd's staff, a stick five or six feet long which sometimes
had a crook at the end, was used in the way Western men use a
cane or walking stick. It is also used in handling the sheep.
Thus, when David writes in Psalm 23, "Thy rod and Thy staff, they
comfort me," he is saying the Lord's protection comforts him, and
he feels safe.
*All the following material on the protective qualities of the
shepherd are taken from Fred Wright's "Manners and Customs of
Bible Lands" (Moody, 1953).
Elements of protection embrace sacrificial labors of love.
The fact that the shepherd dedicated his life to his flock, even
to the point of losing his life, demonstrates emphatically his
care and concern for them. (Granted, he had a vested interest,
but don't husbands have a vested interest in pleasing their
wives?) A good husband must also be willing to "lay down his life
DAILY" for his wife. Laying down one's life daily in most cases
is more difficult than a once and for all physical death.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church
and gave Himself up for her" (Eph.5:25).
Why? Because like begets like. When you say, "I willingly
sacrifice my wants for your wants," this produces a like response
in her. Perhaps that first this new task will evoke amazement,
curiosity, or a "how long will this last" attitude, but
eventually it evokes appreciation, thankfulness, and "I willingly
sacrifice my wants for your wants" too. Love begets love;
encouragement begets encouragement; concern, concern.
As a leader, the Eastern shepherds never drives his sheep as
does the Western shepherd. He LEADS THEM, usually going before
them. He may also walk by their sides an sometimes follow behind,
especially if the flock is headed for the fold in the evening
From the rear he can gather any stragglers and protect them from
wild animal attacks.
Several flocks are sometimes allowed to mix at a well or in
the same fold. When it becomes necessary to separate the flocks,
one shepherd after another calls out his own call. The sheep lift
their heads and, after a general scramble, begin following each
one after his own shepherd. They are thoroughly familiar with
their own shepherd's TONE OF VOICE. Strangers have often used the
same call, but their attempts to get the sheep to follow them
always fails.
Jesus implied His sheep hear and follow only his voice when
He said, "The sheep follow him, for they know his voice. And a
stranger they will not follow, but will flee from him; for they
know not the voice of a stranger" (John 10:4,5). The intimate
concern and care of the shepherd is the key reason the sheep
follow his voice. They know him and thus they TRUST his
leading (especially when he has proven trustworthy in the past).
To illustrate the intimate knowledge and concern a good
shepherd has for his sheep, we cite the following example.
One shepherd in the Lebanon district was asked if he always
counted his sheep each evening. He replied in the negative,
and then was asked how then he knew if all his sheep were
present. This was his reply: "Master, if you were to put a
cloth over my eyes, and bring me any sheep and only
let me put hands on its face, I could tell in a moment if it
was mine or not.
When H.R.P. Dickson visited the desert Arabs, he witnessed
an event that revealed the amazing knowledge some of them have of
their sheep. One evening, shortly after dark an Arab shepherd
began to call out one by one the names of his fifty-one mother
sheep, and was able to pick out each one's lamb and restore it to
its mother to suckle. To do this in the light would be a feat for
many shepherds, but this was done in complete darkness, and in
the midst of the noise of the ewes crying for their lambs, and
the lambs crying for their mothers.
But no oriental shepherd ever had a more intimate knowledge
of his sheep than Jesus our great Shepherd has of those who
belong to His flock. He once said of Himself: "I am the good
shepherd, and know my sheep" (John 10:14).
Most women want to be led. They do not want to be
browbeaten, reated as imbeciles unable to think or decide, or
coddled as children too immature to make decisions. That is not
leadership, but dictatorship, but only the haughty ego of the
"leader."
Thus, Shulamith's "daydreaming" reveals two fundamental
attitudes helpful for the resolution of their sexual differences.
She first thinks of her husband physically as a means of
increasing her desire for him. She then thinks of the protective
care and security he has provided as her shepherd. So instead of
concentrating on his weaknesses, she concentrates on his
strengths. She assumes responsibility for her personal attitudes
and leaves Solomon's shortcomings in the Lord's hands.
………………………… To be continued
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